


Over You

by SmoakingGreenArrow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7370356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmoakingGreenArrow/pseuds/SmoakingGreenArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver Queen returns to Starling City a very different man than Felicity Smoak remembers. Now that he is home, she is forced to face the decision she made years ago that changed both of their lives forever. Felicity works to make amends with the people she hurt and to get her old life back while Oliver works to save the city and the girl he abandoned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Over You

Felicity couldn’t keep still as she waited in the hospital’s waiting room. She paced back and forth in front of the door, her hands shaking. When the doors finally opened, she was relieved to see a familiar face. Even if it wasn’t as friendly as she remembered it. “Hi, Speedy.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Felicity?”

“I just wanted to make sure that he was okay.”

“Well he’s fine. You can go.”

“Thea, please.” Felicity begged, tears filling her eyes as the girl that she’d once seen as a sister stared at her coldly.

“Fine,” Thea said, her lips forming a hard line, “But if he tells you to go to hell, which he will…I never want to see you again.”

Felicity swallowed back the emotion that Thea’s words brought up. She just nodded in agreement. Hearing Thea sound so harsh was soul crushing, considering how close they used to be. But it wasn’t nearly the worst day of her life. That day was still reserved for the day that she found out Oliver’s boat went missing in the middle of the ocean. The day everyone assumed he was dead.

She passed Thea on her way into the intensive care unit, glancing in each window until she saw Oliver. He was lying shirtless in the bed, his face turned to the storm outside the window. Felicity opened the door silently. “Oliver?” When he didn’t move, she realized that he was asleep.

Felicity sat down on the bed beside him, examining his face. He looked older. His mouth was tense, his eyebrows furrowed in a bad dream.

She ran her hand over his forehead, watching as his features softened. Felicity smiled slightly to herself, wondering if he was simply comforted by the touch, or if his subconscious knew that it was her.

She shook her head, knowing it was wishful thinking, after the pain she had caused.

Her eyes fell down his chest, and she realized how bizarre and unfamiliar it was. If there was one thing that she knew better than her own body…it was Oliver Queen’s body. But the man that she was looking at had scars covering most of his skin and strange tattoos on his chest and side. The scars were everywhere; some big and protruding while others were small and faint. She realized how much bigger he was, too. Oliver had always had a strength that made her feel safe, but this was more than that. His biceps were as big as her head and his abs…Felicity shook her head, having a hard time focusing on his muscles when she had so many questions.

_How did he get tattoos on a deserted island? Where did the scars come from? How did he gain so much muscle if he had been starving and alone?_

“What the hell…” She mumbled to herself as her eyes fell on his hip. Her fingers reached out to touch the bite mark. Just as her fingers grazed his skin, Oliver’s hand shot up and grabbed her wrist. She immediately tried to pull it away, but Oliver’s grip was tight.

She looked up at him, her eyes frantic. Felicity watched the recognition on his face. His eyes went from threatened and alert to cold and indifferent. He released her wrist, “Sorry,” he mumbled, looking up at the ceiling.

“Oliver…are you okay?”

“No one told me that you were coming.” He responded.

“They didn’t know. I saw on the news that you were…Please don’t blame Thea. I made her let me in here. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, which, clearly you are. Well, not _okay_ ,” she said, looking down at his scars again, “but…alive.” As she babbled, Oliver’s eyes fell from the ceiling to her. “Oliver,” she whispered, “What happened to you on that island?”

He just stared at her, his eyes expressionless.

“I guess I should go.” She coughed, “I’m sorry if I made this day any harder than it had to be.” She said, standing up from her seat on his bed.

“You know,” She said, turning around, “I didn’t know if I would ever see you again, and I’m still not sure that I ever will after today, so,” she hesitated, her eyes filling with tears that she blinked back.

He noticed. 

“I just want to…embarrassingly say that…Despite everything that happened between us, there wasn’t a day while you were gone that I didn’t think about you, Oliver.”

Maybe it was that pesky wishful thinking again, but Felicity swore that his eyes softened. “Everything that happened between us?” He asked. His voice was just like his body, comforting and familiar…yet so strange and different. “What happened between us, Felicity, is that I asked you to marry me. And you said no.”

Felicity opened her mouth to speak, but words escaped her. She hadn’t been expecting him to want to talk about _that_. “I didn’t say no.” She shook her head.

Oliver just stared at her.

“Glad to see the island didn’t resolve your anger…” she mumbled under her breath. “We were about to graduate college, Oliver. I wasn’t _ready_. But I wanted to marry you more than anything. I planned on spending the rest of my life with you,”

“Saying no to my proposal kind of crushes those dreams.” He fired back, interrupting her. He did what he was best at; pushing her away in the cruelest way he knew how. For her own sake, he was glad that he could do it…after all of those months dreaming about holding her again, kissing her and listening to her babble about computers. But he had bigger demons to deal with, and he couldn’t have her near him for it.

 "You just…walked away…“ she said, picturing that night like it had only happened five minutes ago rather than five years. “You cut me out of your life for _weeks,_ ignored all of my calls, refused to see me, and then…” As she trailed off, Oliver couldn’t help the slight happiness he felt at her stubbornness. She always had to have the last word. Even when he acted like a complete ass, she would call him on it, call him out for being scared, tell him to grow up or get over it; fight back in some way.

But this wasn’t an argument he was willing to have. He had to push her away, make her hate him so that she didn’t want anything to do with him. Despite how much he wanted her, he didn’t think it would be too hard after she rejected him in the biggest way possible.

“And then I got on a boat with my father in the hopes of getting so drunk that I would forget you.”

Felicity wiped away the tears that fell at his words, at the proof that she’d suspected for five years…that it was her fault he got on that boat. That it was his way of running away from his problems like he always did; problems that she’d caused.That if she had not been so scared, if she had said yes, that right now they could be married, with a baby or two…instead of _this_.

He could see all over her face that she blamed herself.

Oliver glanced away, fighting the urge to beg her to stay, to ask her to lay with him. To whisper in her ear every secret that he was holding in. To promise her that he didn’t blame her, that he could never hate her, that he was still in love with her.

“I’m sorry,” Felicity said, brushing more tears away and swallowing the words that she really felt. The words that she knew would humiliate her, because it was clear to her that he didn’t care anymore. The words that she’d been wrestling with for five years now.

_I should have said yes._


	2. Over You: The Prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events that lead Oliver to leave Starling City on his father's boat, and the events that lead Felicity to the hospital five years later to see him now that he has returned.

“Oh my god, you won’t even believe what they had us do today.” Felicity said as soon as she walked through the door. "Professor Morgan had us pair off, and then we had to race to crack an encrypted code. If we beat our partner, we moved on. And it just got harder and harder.“ A smile spread across Felicity’s face, "But guess who won?” She sang as she came around the corner of her apartment, holding up a keyboard that was spray painted gold.

Oliver stood up from his seat at her small table, “All that he gave you is an old spray painted keyboard for all of that work?”

“And an A in the class…” Felicity said as she glanced around. Dinner was ready, candles were lit, and the love of her life was standing at her chair, holding it out for her. “What is all of this?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Us celebrating. It’s the end of our last semester of college. You’re graduating with straight A’s, and I…well, I passed. So I thought we should celebrate together before we have to drag each other through graduations and our crazy families.”

Felicity kissed his cheek before sitting down, “Oliver, this is amazing.” She was smiling at him from ear to ear as he sat down. She put her hand over his on the table, “ _You_ are amazing.”

Oliver’s heart picked up speed. With the way she was looking at him…he wondered if this was the moment. The one he tried not to think about out of fear of having a heart attack. He thought he would know. Oliver felt the words rising in him, but nothing came out.

Felicity gave him an odd look, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, picking up the bottle of wine to occupy himself. He poured her glass, and then his while she filled up her plate with food.

“Oh my god,” Felicity groaned as she took her first bite, her eyes rolling. “I think I could eat your cooking for the rest of my life and die fat and happy.” Oliver laughed, his body still stiff and his breathing uneven. She pointed her fork at him, “You’re sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah. Better than all right, actually. Felicity, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Oh god. Are you dying?”

Oliver let out a breathy laugh, “No, I’m all right.” he repeated again. “I just…I need you to know how much you mean to me. When I first met you, I was a self-loathing jackass who thought the world and everyone in it revolved around him. But then you trusted me. You trusted me before you even _knew_ me. You knew my reputation, but I asked you out, and you said yes. And from that day on, all I found myself wanting to do was prove to you that I was worth it; that I was worth the risk you took by saying yes.”

“It wasn’t a risk, Oliver.” Felicity interrupted, shaking her head. “I knew you were not the person in the headlines as soon as I met you. You were sweet and kind…much more gentlemanly than any other boy I’d dated.”

“But I still got scared. And sometimes I shut you out because I was afraid that you’d see me as the person everyone else did, and I pushed you away, I hurt you. But you always knew, didn’t you? You always knew that I would get here. Sitting across from you, trying to put into words how much I adore you; how in love with you I am.”

She smiled at him brightly, “I love you too,” she beamed.

Her smile fell and a gasp escaped her lips when Oliver got down on his knee in front of her chair. “I want to spend the rest of my life making you smile like that. Felicity Smoak…would you take one more risk with me, and make me the happiest man on the face of the earth?”

Felicity glanced down at the ring. “Oh, Oliver, I love you. It’s beautiful…oh my god. I told you it’s not a risk. Wow.”

“Is there a yes coming sometime soon?” Oliver teased, laughing slightly.

Felicity pursed her lips, she closed her hands over his, and he felt his heart sink into his stomach. “I can’t…I can’t say yes…right now.” Oliver hesitated a moment, waiting to see if she’d say more. Her eyes were brimming with tears the longer he stared blankly at her.

Oliver stood up, pulling his hands away from her. He fought himself for air, remembering to take a breath. Felicity closed her eyes at the exasperated sound. Without a word, Oliver placed the ring on the table in front of her.

“No,” she shook her head, “Oliver, please. Keep this.” Oliver couldn’t look at her as she gripped the ring, offering it back to him. He shook his head, turning away from her and going towards the door. “Oliver?” She asked, watching him walk away from her. When he opened the door, she stood up on shaky legs. “Oliver!” She called as the door slammed behind him.

* * *

Felicity drank her coffee from the couch, watching the news. “Are you sure I can’t help you with breakfast?”

“Haven’t we established that you aren’t allowed in the kitchen when the stove is on? Besides, I’m faster.”

Before Felicity could respond, her hair flew in all directions and the familiar yellow light hurt her eyes. When she opened them, Barry sat on the coffee table in front of her, holding out a plate with eggs, bacon, and pancakes. “Why does that never get old?”

“Dating a superhero? I don’t know how it ever could.” He winked at her.

Felicity laughed, accepting the plate and rolling her eyes, “You know, it’s a little strange to refer to yourself as a superhero.”

Barry shrugged, leaning forward to kiss her. Just before Felicity closed her eyes, she saw his face on her TV screen.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, feeling like all of the air had escaped her lungs. She nudged Barry aside, putting her plate on the table beside him and picking up the remote to turn the volume up.

“In a shocking miracle, Oliver Queen has been found alive. The son of billionaires Robert and Moira Queen was found on a remote island known as Lian Yu. A fishing boat picked him up late last night after Mr. Queen signaled from the island. He has been transported to Starling City Medical and is receiving treatment.”

“Oliver Queen…as in…?” Barry trailed off.

“I have to see him.” Felicity stood up, pushing Barry’s hands aside when he tried to get her to slow down.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, just breathe.”

 "No,“ she insisted, "It’s _Oliver_ , Barry. He’s alive.”

“I know.” Barry said, taking her shoulders between his hands and looking her in the eye. “It’s _the_ Oliver; the one that got away, the man who you’ll never get over, the name who I hear you call out in your sleep some nights, the one who proposed to you, and you still have the ring in your underwear drawer…the person you believe, deep down, that you were meant to spend your life with.”

Felicity just stared at him for a moment, “I can’t have this conversation right now. I have to see him.”

“What if he doesn’t want to see you?”

“I just need to _see_ him.” Felicity snapped, jerking her body free from his hands and going into the bedroom, wondering how a woman could ever prepare herself for a miracle like this.

Barry hadn’t been wrong; about any of it. Oliver Queen was the one that got away, the relationship she would never get over or stop wishing she could have back. She wasn’t surprised that Barry could see it, that he knew what Oliver meant to her and always would.

She and Barry had been friends first, after he brought her in on his powers and asked for her help. She started making trips to Central City and she’d drunkenly confessed her history with the infamous Oliver Queen to him. After that, their friendship got stronger, and then it became something else. She fell for Barry, very slowly, over the course of three years and in a safe, comfortable way, but she knew that he held a piece of her heart.

After four months of dating, Barry had asked about the pictures in her apartment, the ones of Oliver…why she still had them up and if she’d ever thought about putting them away.

That was when her past was no longer up for discussion.


	3. With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her embarrassing reunion with Oliver at the hospital, Felicity thinks she will never see him again. Until he calls asking for her help.

It had been three days since she’d shown up at the hospital and embarrassed herself completely. And she’d walked through those three days like a zombie. She told Barry she needed time alone, and when he fought for her, she shut down. She didn’t want to be fought for, it only reminded her of the man who she should have fought harder for.

That man consumed her, since the day she met him until the day he came back into her life. The five years that he was away, she’d convinced herself that he didn’t, but she realized that she never truly _grieved_ Oliver Queen.

She attended his memorial service with hope that he was alive. She worked at Queen Consolidated every day so that she could still have a part of him. And she didn’t give her whole heart to Barry because parts of her knew that she would see Oliver again. He had always been with her.

Was that it? Had she spent the past five years of her life not _hoping_ that he would come back to her, but _knowing_? She’d gone through a crazy phase of trying to find him. She tried to map out the route of the boat and where it would have gone down, but even when all of her roads lead to dead ends, even when she was frustrated and discouraged, she never truly gave up. She gave up her obsession with finding him, she moved on with her life, but she didn’t lose the hope that he was out there, and that if she couldn’t find his way home to her, that he would find it himself.

“Hello. Earth to Felicity. You in there?”

“Huh?” Felicity glanced up to see Curtis waving his hand in front of her face. She hit it away. “Sorry, preoccupied.”

“Thinking about how your ex-fiancé is back from the dead?”

“He was never my fiancé. He was never dead. And I never told you that. Where are you getting your gossip?”

Curtis snorted, “Please. You work at _Queen_ Consolidated. That family’s dirty laundry is as public as the company’s.” When Felicity raised an eyebrow, Curtis sighed, “Tina from communications mentioned it over the coffee maker. His face is on every TV screen in Starling. It’s hard not to talk about him.”

Felicity cocked her head to the side, “Is that the only reason it’s hard not to talk about him?” Felicity asked. She knew Curtis too well.

He laughed, “Fine, yeah, your not ex-fiancé is hot. Do you want a high five or something?”

Felicity pursed her lips, “Mm, no. We’re definitely not high fiving that.”

Curtis rolled his eyes, “It’s your turn to get coffee today. Get out of here, you nut.”

Felicity stood up, taking her coat from the chair and grabbing her purse before anyone could object. She usually hated having to do coffee runs, but today, she was grateful for the break.

She spent the car ride thinking about her history with Oliver, all of their highs and their lows. She wondered if he had thought about her while he was on the island, if he remembered how much they used to _laugh_ …when he felt lonely or sad. She hoped that he did. She definitely did.

As she waited for the coffees, her phone rang. Not recognizing the number, she answered, “Felicity Smoak.”

“Hi, Felicity. It’s me.”

Even knowing that he was alive, knowing that he was back; it still stopped her heart to hear his voice. She’d spent five years waiting for that call, to hear those words.

“Oliver?” she asked, breathless.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Look, I need your help. And I just want you to know that I wouldn’t be calling if I didn’t absolutely have to.”

“Okay, anything. Oliver, you can always call me. I’ll be there. Whenever.”

There was a long pause. “How soon could you get to the hospital?”

She heard the barista call out her order just as she was walking out the door. “I’m ten minutes away. Be right there.”

* * *

When she got to his room, Oliver was pulling on his jacket. He looked up at her, “Thanks for coming.”

“Sure. You were a little vague on the phone. What are we doing? And why are you dressed? Aren’t you supposed to stay for observation for another few days?”

Oliver smiled slightly, “I see that your questions are still never ending.” Felicity bit her lip. He sighed, “We’re leaving. I need you to bring me home, if you don’t mind…and how did you even know I’m supposed to be under observation?”

She paused, “I may have called once or twice, bribed a nurse into telling me how you were doing.”

Oliver smiled crookedly at her, “And still pushy.”

Felicity laughed, “You have no idea. Barry really didn’t want to go to this New Years party, but I did, so I just nagged him, like, all day until he…” She trailed off when she saw the look on his face; his jaw clenching, his eyes getting cold.

“Barry?” He asked, trying and failing to make his voice sound casual.

“Yeah…he’s…he’s a long story. We dated. But…we’re taking a break…right now.”

Oliver’s expression didn’t change. “Well, like I said, I wouldn’t have called you if I had another choice.”

Felicity nodded once, taking the blow of his words and kicking herself for ruining the moment without guarded walls that had been happening between them.

His walls were high, now. “Thea, your mom, Tommy…all too busy?” She asked sarcastically.

Oliver watched her, looked at her like he was analyzing her, looking for something. “No. I called you first. I don’t think my mom or Thea would let me leave. And Tommy…well, I would have, but he doesn’t have a security card that opens every door in the hospital.”

“Why would we need to open any of those doors?”

Oliver hesitated, “A friend of mine was admitted here while I was away…I want to see his file.”

“Oliver…”

“Felicity, please, I know it’s asking a lot. But if you just give me your card, you can wait in the car. If I get caught, I’ll say I snagged it off of you while you weren’t looking.”

“You really thought this plan out.”

“So you’ll give it to me?”

“No.”

“Felicity…”

“I’m coming.” She said, opening the door. “After you.”

Oliver hesitated before realizing that it was Felicity, and he either had to let her come or she wasn’t going to give him the card. “Fine. But all you’re doing is playing look-out while I do it.”

Felicity followed him down the hallway, “What friend? Who are you talking about? What happened that was so bad you have to break the law to see the file?”

“More questions.”

“No answers.”

“It’s better if you don’t know, okay?”

Felicity snorted, “Have you met me? Come on Oliver, I’ll find out, eventually-”

As they turned the corner, Oliver turned on her. She’d been right on his heels, so she skidded to a stop, a small squeal escaping her. Oliver was right in her face, “Felicity, if there is any kind of favor that you feel like you owe me…letting this go will make up for it. Or I’ll owe  _you_  a favor. Whatever. I wanted you to be in the car. So just drop it.”

Felicity stared at his eyes, reminded of the first time she saw him three days ago; how strange yet familiar she’d thought his voice and body were. His eyes were the same. “Fine,” she mumbled, too affected by his eyes and his proximity to put up a fight.

She knew they’d never be _even_ , not with the guilt that she’d been living with. Knowing that Oliver only got on the boat out of heartbreak, heartbreak that _she’d_ caused him, no secret she kept for him would ever remedy that.

Oliver looked at her for another moment, giving her that new, cold, calculated stare of his, like he was trying to read her. His eyes squinted slightly, like he was wondering if that was really the end of it, if she would stand guard quietly and then bring him home without another word of it.

That surely wasn’t the Felicity he knew. He realized that he must have struck a nerve with his request, that there must be something she feels she owes him. He wanted to assure her that he didn’t blame her for anything, but it was better if she hated him, and he knew that an easy way to accomplish that was to act like he hated her first.

Felicity waited outside the door of a file room while Oliver went in. She stood about a yard away from the door, nodding to surgeons and nurses as they passed, her heart racing as she wished that she wasn’t cleared for the hospital. “Accept the job,” she mumbled to herself, pacing back and forth, “They’ll pay you big money just to fix their computers when their systems crash. It’s easy. You get a cool badge with your face on it. You can do that.”

“And you still talk to yourself. Charming.” Oliver deadpanned from behind her. Felicity turned around, raising her finger to say something, but Oliver was breezing past her.

“Oliver,” Felicity tried, but he kept walking. Felicity glanced around, not only anxious because of the illegal activities he involved her with, not only confused by the situation, but now she was mad because he was being an ass.

“Hey!” She snapped. Oliver turned around and raised his eyebrows. “What is your problem?”

“My _problem_? Well, Felicity, after _you_ go from spending five years in hell, alone, to having twenty people down your throat, reporters trying to bust down your door, your family wanting to know every detail of five years of your life, and three different nurses asking you what you’ve eaten every twenty minutes and a time stamp on when you urinate…then we can talk about my _problem_.”

And of course she asked the only question that could tug on his heart. And of course she had tears in her eyes when she asked it. “It was… _hell_ …for you?”

Oliver glanced away, “Yes. Hell survived only by my will to get back to…Thea, and my mom…Tommy.”

Felicity swiped a tear away before he could see it, all of her day dreams about him crushed that she wasn’t on that list, that he hadn’t been fighting to come home to her.

More tears fell, and pretending she wasn’t crying was pointless, because he noticed. She saw pain on his face, but was assured that it wasn’t out of pity, or love, or concern. “So that’s it, then?” She asked, “Nothing has changed? You still hate me now as much as you did back then?”

He knew what his answer should be. A simple ‘yes’ and he would never have to see her again, never have to drag her into the mission that he had planned, never have to hurt her. She waited, tears falling down her face, and Oliver had to plant his feet to the floor not to close the distance and hold her.

“Say it,” She prompted, her voice breaking and her lip quivering, “Say that it’s my fault.” She paused, and Oliver cocked his head to the side, realizing that she was referring to the boat, but not believing that she could ever blame herself for that. How could she?

The one woman that he’d ever truly loved was blaming herself…and despite his need to keep her at a distance, it put a knot in his stomach to think that she’d spent five years with so many heavy regrets. He couldn’t live with the fact that she thought it was her fault. He needed her to hate him, but he also needed her to know that she _saved_ him. Thinking about her, every day, imagining what it would be like to come home to her, it was what kept him going.

“Say that this is never going to work out between us. Say that after everything that happened, you can never be with me. Say that after today, you never want to see me again. Say that you can never forgive me. Say you never loved me. Say-”

“ _Felicity_ ,” Oliver cut her off, taking a step to close the distance, he took her face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers.

Felicity let out a small noise of surprise, and of pleasure. After all of the nights she spent dreaming about kissing him again, none of her dreams compared to it; the feeling of his lips on hers. It was warm and comforting. Familiar. Kissing him felt like coming home.

And for the first time in three days, Oliver felt like he was home.

When he pulled away, her eyes lulled open and she looked up at him. It was the most _Oliver_  he’d looked to her since he got back. His guard was down, and his eyes were soft.

“Don’t ask me to say that I don’t love you.”


	4. Home To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity stops by the Queen mansion to confront Oliver about the kiss.

Felicity rang the doorbell, her heart beating out of her chest as she ran through the scenarios again. His mother could answer the door and politely ask her to leave. Or it could be Thea, who would undoubtedly slam the door in her face. Or he would, and he’d give her some kind of lame reason why he hasn’t spoken to her or returned any of her calls. Felicity groaned, stepping back from the door and hitting her forehead, “Oh, I just got really busy, after telling you that I love you and kissing you senseless.” She mumbled, pacing in front of the door.

Just as the door swung open, a flash of lightning lit up the sky and Felicity yelped.

“Felicity?" 

Felicity turned around to see Thea standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. "It’s not a good time.”

Felicity hesitated, “Wait, Thea.”

“What? You think Oliver actually wants to see you? After everything you put him through?”

“You blame me, and I get it. Trust me. I blame me too.”

Thea watched her carefully, “My brother got on a boat to run away from you. He was gone for five years _because of you_.”

“I know I can’t fix that. But I want to fix this. Thea…I loved you as much as I loved Oliver. You guys…you were my family.”

“And if you hadn’t broken his heart…we still would be.”

“Look,” Felicity sighed, “I deserve every low blow that you want to hit me with, but I need you to listen to me. I _loved_ him. I would have given up the world to fix it, to take it back…Thea, I _wish_ that I had said yes.”

Thea watched as tears filled in Felicity’s eyes, and for the first time in four years, she saw her the way that she used to; like her hero. The woman she wanted to grow up to be just like. She trusted those words. “It’s the biggest regret of my life, Thea. Maybe the only regret. And now he’s back, and I’d be lying if I said that I don’t still love him. I always have.”

Thea pushed the door open a little wider, “He’s asleep…but I guess…if you wanted…we could, I don’t know, hang out, or something. Like we used to.”

Felicity smiled, feeling her heart healing for the second time in nearly six years. The Queen family left a void in her, but Oliver kissing her mended it a little, and Thea wanting to talk to her again healed it just a little more. “I would love that.”

Felicity followed Thea into the kitchen, sitting at the counter while Thea went to the cupboard and pulled out two glasses. “So, Oliver’s been pretty strange lately. Disappearing all the time, leaving in the middle of the night…I was kind of wondering…have you guys been, you know?”

“Have we been what? Oh. _Oh_. No. No, no, no. Definitely _not_. I haven’t seen him since he checked himself out of the hospital and I dropped him off here.”

“I’m starting to think he’d be better off at the hospital, then. I have no idea where he goes. Mom’s talking about getting him a handler,” Thea smirked, “Like a babysitter. Oliver refuses, but Mom tends to get her way with these things. He’s just been so strange, we’re both worried. He’s _different_ , Felicity,” Thea breathed, her eyes full of concern. “Something in him just seems…broken.”

Felicity felt her stomach knot at the thought of Oliver being broken. “Where do you think he’s going all  the time?”

Thea shrugged. “My first guess was you,” she eyed Felicity suspiciously for another moment, before deciding she was innocent. "But I guess it must be some random girl he’s using to forget.“

Felicity bit her lip, not wanting to hear or believe that. The knots in her stomach tightened even more. "What about you?” she asked, changing the subject. "How are you dealing with all of this?“

"I’m okay. I was really happy to have him home. I always dreamed about it but I guess I just…expected it to be different. I know that sounds selfish and awful. He’s just not the same person, and I really want him to be okay. I need for him to be okay. But I don’t know how to help him, he won’t talk to me about the island, about what happened to him…about those scars.”

Felicity nodded, “He’ll come around, honey, he just needs time. He’s spent five years away from society, he needs to adjust. But he loves you. And he’ll be okay again.”

Thea smiled, taking a sip of her water, “You always could make me feel better.”

Felicity shrugged, rolling her eyes, “I’m just that good.”

“I’m sorry, you know. I’m sorry for the way I acted at the hospital, and for all of the nasty things I’ve said to you over the last five years. For ignoring your calls and shutting you out.”

Felicity shook her head, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Thea. You have a right to feel any way that you do, just like Oliver does. And I hurt both of you. I understood why you hated me…I’m just glad to get you both back now.”

Thea smiled, “I really think Oliver still loves-” Both of the girls jumped at the sound of shattering glass. “Oliver!?” Thea called, her voice rising in worry as she abandoned her spot at the counter and ran for the stairs. Felicity followed, grabbing her phone from the counter top and calling after Thea.

Felicity was on Thea’s heels as they barged into Oliver’s room, but she wasn’t fast enough. Oliver laid on the floor of his bedroom, glass surrounding him, the storm coming in through the shattered glass doors. Thea immediately ran to him, her bare feet stepping on the glass. She pulled on Oliver’s shoulder, trying to turn him over.

“Thea-” Felicity started, about to warn her to be gentle when Oliver flipped over, pinning Thea on her back and holding her down with his hand clenching her throat. “Oliver!” Felicity yelled, instinctively stepping towards him. His grip didn’t loosen, and his eyes were wild as his head shot up to look at her. “Oliver,” She said again, calmly, “It’s Thea, look, it’s Thea. Let her go.” She spoke soothingly, coming closer until she could touch his arm. Oliver’s eyes dropped to Thea, and after a moment of recognition, his hand released her, flying behind his back like someone had hit him. He fell back and pushed himself away from her, curling up into a small ball as he breathed, trying to control his thoughts and calm down.

Felicity pulled Thea up, inspecting her, a bruise in the shape of Oliver’s hand already forming. She hugged Thea to her chest, glancing down at Oliver, who was already watching them with hurt, remorseful eyes.

Thea was crying, but she knelt down to Oliver, “It’s okay,” she choked, “It’s okay, Oliver,”

Oliver shook his head, “No, it’s not.”

Thea slowly wrapped her arms around her brother, “Your pain is deeper than what we can see, Oliver. It’s not your fault.”

Oliver pressed his face to Thea’s hair, “I’m so sorry, Speedy. I never want to hurt you.”

“I know that,” Thea rushed, “I know.”

“I have to leave.” Oliver replied. “I can’t stay here like this, with you and Mom right down the hall.”

“Oliver, you can’t be alone, either. You’re staying here. This is your home.”

“He can stay with me.” Felicity offered, and both of her favorite Queens stared up at her.

Oliver shook his head, his eyes darkening as he imagined all of the ways that could go wrong. “Hell no.”

“I have the room. You could sleep there…” Felicity trailed off, smoothing Thea’s hair.

The meddler in Thea saw her opportunity, “Oliver, at least for tonight.”

“No.” Oliver insisted. “I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” He said, getting up and gathering his things. “I’m sorry, Speedy. I’ll be back tomorrow and we’ll…figure this out.” He glanced at Felicity as he shoved clothes into his bag, “And I’m sorry…to get you involved in any of this.” He finished quietly.

The two most important girls in Oliver’s life watched as he rushed out the door, headed off into a storm where neither of them knew he’d be safe. “Oliver.” Felicity followed him into the hallway, grabbing his arm. He turned slowly and her hand instinctively slid down his arm to hold his hand. “You’re a good man. Don’t forget that.”

“I just…I just hurt the one person I’ve never wanted to hurt.”

“Thea’s going to be fine. But I think she needs you here more than she needs to you to go.”

“Not tonight,” Oliver said, shaking his head slightly, “Tonight I think she needs you. Take care of her, please.”

When he tried to let go of her hand, she held on tighter, "Oliver,“ she argued, "What if I need you too?” She asked.

Oliver’s eyes searched hers for a brief moment, and then he dropped her hand, “Then I would say that you’d be better off with someone like Barry Allen.”

“Barry? How did you even…Oliver…” Oliver turned away from her and headed down the stairs.

Felicity heard the knock as she was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. She hopped out of bed and grabbed her robe as she walked to the door. Putting it on, she glanced through the peephole and saw a very wet, sad looking Oliver clutching her doorframe. The weight on her heart immediately lifted, knowing that he was alive and safe.

She swung the door open and sighed in relief. His eyes met hers, and in less than three seconds her arms were around him. She hadn’t planned on it, and it surprised her just as much as it surprised him, but she never wanted to ache for his arms around her again. She’d done enough of that.

“Felicity,” Oliver breathed. She didn’t answer, just tightened her grip around his neck, afraid that he would let go. Oliver sighed, using her leverage on his shoulders to lift her slightly off of the ground and carry her into her apartment. Felicity held on tighter, thinking that it was such an Oliver thing to do. If she wasn’t going to let him go long enough to invite him in, then he’d just pick her up and let himself in.

She finally let go when he placed her feet back on the ground. “Sorry,” she mumbled, crossing her arms. “I was worried.”

Oliver’s gaze fell from her eyes to her robe, and down her legs. And then he blinked, glancing away. He took in her apartment; from the wine rack in the kitchen to the nest of computers in the corner of the living room. He could see the small dining room table, exactly how he remembered it. He’d dreamed about that spot so many times, relived the pain he’d felt when she’d said no to marrying him. His eyes lingered there, and she noticed.

Oliver stepped away from her, looking at a photograph of her and her mother on the end table. He looked at the photos on the bureau; there were of few of Felicity with Donna, but the majority of the photos were of the Queens. Thea and his mother, mostly. One from his parents’ wedding.

The only picture that he was in was a group shot, all of the Queen family, with Felicity right in the middle of Thea and him on the couch. It was Christmas. Moira was in the middle of rolling her eyes while Robert was laughing. Felicity and Oliver were kissing and Thea was holding up a mistletoe with a mischievous grin on her face. It was definitely a priceless shot, and a memory that he’d visited often on the island; a warm Christmas with his family. One of the best he’d ever had.

As he continued to scan the pictures, he couldn’t help but touch his favorite picture, one of Felicity and Thea at the beach. They shared a blanket in front of a fire, and Felicity looked like she was in the middle of a story while Thea had her head nestled in Felicity’s shoulder, laughing.

He’d brought the picture on the boat with him, but he’d lost it in the wreck. He often thought about it though, heard Thea’s laughter and Felicity’s rambling. He couldn’t even remember the story she was trying to tell, but he could remember how he felt watching them; like his family was whole as long as he had that beautiful blonde by his side.

“I love that one.” Felicity said softly. Oliver jumped slightly, his hand darting away from the picture. “It’s okay,” she said. “You can have it…if you want it I mean. Not that you would want a picture of me. But Thea, you know. She looks really happy.” She took it from the mass of photographs. “Here, I want you to have it.”

Oliver looked down at it again. “I always loved this picture.” He was about to leave it at that, but for some reason the weaker side of him was in control tonight. “You look beautiful.” He finished, touching his finger to her face on the photo.

Felicity bit her lip, glancing to the kitchen. “Can I get you anything? Water? Are you hungry? I know I’m pretty awful at cooking…but I think I can handle myself pretty well against a grilled cheese.”

Oliver smiled, pulling the picture from the frame and tucking it into his pocket. “Sure. That’d be great. And thank you…for the picture.”

“No problem.” she answered with a smile, her heart opening up and warming to this walls-down version of him that she was seeing. “So where have you been for the last…three hours?”

“Working out.” he responded.

That answer earned him a look from Felicity that he couldn’t take his eyes off of. Her gaze fell from his face and down his body. Had he been that obvious when he noticed her in that robe? Felicity cleared her throat, turning away from him and to the kitchen.

As she cooked, he kept her company. They talked about what he had missed over the past five years, as generally as they could in the time it took to make sandwiches. She told him the Thea highlights mostly, but he didn’t seem surprised by very much of it. And he asked some questions about her, but she kept her answers short, not wanting to stray into Barry territory.

She watched him take the first bite, gauging his reaction. But there wasn’t really one. “Do you like it?” She had to ask.

He glanced up at her, swallowing his bite. “Felicity, I ate much worse things on that island, a slightly burned grilled cheese from you is like a five star restaurant in comparison.”

She didn’t want to push him to tell her more, so she feigned insult. “I do not do anything ‘slightly’, Queen. I either burn things beyond repair or its edible.”

Oliver chuckled, “I believe that.”

Felicity smirked over her sandwich, “Do you remember when I tried to make you a cake on your birthday?”

“How could I forget? I still can’t figure out how you ended up making it salty. The mix came in a box.”

“It’s a talent, really.”

Oliver chuckled again, leaning back in his chair. “Thank you, again.”

“Don’t mention it.” She replied. Oliver stood up and took their plates, putting them in the sink and washing them. She watched him, wondering if this would have been their nights for the last five years. She’d attempt to cook, he’d tease her as they ate, and then he’d clean up.

“So, did you just stop by for my five star grilled cheese or are you staying?”

“Are you asking me to?” He asked, drying his hands on a towel as he leaned against her counter.

Felicity nodded. “I think I already did. But if you have to hear it again, then yes, I’d like for you to stay with me.”

Oliver nodded back, “Okay.” He pushed away from the counter, heading back into the living room.

“Okay?” She asked, following him.

“Yeah?” He was looking at the pictures again.

“Well that was easy.” She mumbled, earning herself a side eye from him. “I’m not _that_ difficult. Why aren’t there more pictures of me up here, anyway? You’ve got the whole Queen gang except for the most important one.” He touched his chest.

Felicity knew that he was joking. She knew that he was just trying to keep everything lighthearted like they’d been while they cooked and ate. But she couldn’t fake a smile. When she glanced away, he sighed, “I’m sorry. That was stupid. You deserved to move on. I didn’t mean to be giving you a hard time about it.”

Felicity met his eyes for a long moment, and then she took his hand, leading him into the bedroom. “What are we doing?” He asked carefully, especially when she began pulling him towards her bed, not bothering to turn the light on.

She opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out a photo. Without letting go of his hand, she held it up, He looked down at the picture of himself. The one she’d kept in her nightstand. The irony was that the picture she kept of him was from the same day that he’d snapped the one of her and Thea. He was standing on the beach, looking out at the sun setting over the water. His face was angled toward her, toward the camera, but his eyes were on the orange sky.

“I used to day dream about this picture. I’d relive this moment again and again. The look on your face is so peaceful. So happy. And I’d make up all of these stories and conversations with you about why you were feeling that way.”

He looked up from the picture to her. “It was because of you.” He answered, his voice low, sounding so soft in the darkness. He held out the picture to her, and her fingers brushed his as she took it back.

Kind of like the hug she’d given him earlier, she couldn’t control her body. And her chest was pressed to his quickly, her hands reaching up to touch his face. She hesitated another moment, afraid to kiss him because he was a runner. She didn’t want to scare him away.

Oliver hesitated for a moment, not because he didn’t want to kiss her, not even because he didn’t _plan_ on kissing her. It was just that he’d forgotten what her touch could do to him.

Even after all of those years, her hands caressing his face was the closest thing to heaven he’d ever felt.

He’d spent some time praying on the island. He was never religious, but he reached a point during the third year where he hoped that God would save him. But he would never worship anything the way he worshiped her.

All of his worries, all of his stress was just gone under her hands.

He pressed his lips to hers slowly. He took his time this time. It wasn’t a reunion, it wasn’t a necessity or to prove anything. It was peace. It was every bruise and cut on his body being healed by her. And how could he ever want that feeling to stop?

Felicity pulled away first. Keeping her eyes closed, she rested her forehead to his, running her fingers over his ears and jaw.

“I can’t lose you again, Oliver.” She whispered into the darkness.

“I’m right here.” He soothed her. “I’m home.”


	5. There For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback of the first time Oliver and Felicity met. In the present, Felicity has a drink with her best friend and wonders about Oliver's secrets.

_When she saw him walking towards her in the hallway, Felicity jumped into the first room she saw. It didn’t seem like he noticed her, but if he did, she knew that there would be a scene. And that was definitely not what she wanted on her first day back from Thanksgiving break of freshman year. She watched through the window of whatever classroom she’d run into, her fist nervously clutching the door knob. He looked angry as he passed, but he didn’t even glance into the room, so she knew it was safe._

_Felicity was in the middle of a sigh of relief when a voice from behind her sent her heart racing and a gasp from her mouth. “Hello.” Felicity glanced around the room, realizing that she’d jumped into one of the science labs. The lights were off, and the boy leaning against the professor’s desk was smirking. “Sorry,” he said, but his face told her that he wasn’t sorry at all, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”_

_“What are you doing in here?” She asked, breathless._

_The boy raised an eyebrow, “I should be asking you that.” Felicity knew his face. Pretty much everyone on campus knew his face. Oliver Queen. She hadn’t actually seen him besides across campus while some girls pointed and talked about how great he was in bed, but what a jerk he’d been afterwards. She’d heard his name in the hallways and in her classes, and she knew that he had a reputation._

_“I was just…” Felicity trailed off, glancing back at the door._

_“You were hiding." Oliver accused._

_"Maybe I was. So what? It looks like you’re doing the same thing.”_

_“Uh no, I was just…” He glanced around the room._

_Now Felicity was the one smirking while he looked uncomfortable. “You were what? Stealing a test sheet? Breaking Professor Gibson’s chair so when he sits down it breaks on him? Mislabeling the chemicals? Setting some kind of prank?”_

_He cleared his throat, “No. I was just…catching my breath, okay?”_

_Felicity watched him, seeing the tension in his body. “I’m sorry.” She said._

_Oliver’s eyes slowly locked on hers, and her heart picked up a little bit. He was handsome, that was for sure. She understood why so many girls chased him, and why they were upset when he didn’t call them back. “Don’t be.” He answered. “You’re not the worst company.”_

_Felicity cocked her head to the side, “I’m Felicity.” she offered, crossing her arms and glancing away._

_He smiled when she looked back at him. “Oliver.”_

_“I know.”_

_He raised an eyebrow, “Well Felicity, what was it, exactly, that had you running in here all breathless and worried?”_

_She sighed, “Nate Cohen.”_

_“Cohen, huh?” he laughed lightly, “You have a bad break up or something?”_

_Felicity sighed again, uncrossing her arms and walking towards him. When she started to climb up onto the desk next to him, Oliver scooted over, intrigued by her. “We went out a couple of times. But he won’t stop calling. And I swear I saw his car outside of my house last night. And the night before.”_

_Oliver glanced at her, wondering why she was telling him that. Why she’d just walked on over and sat next to him, opening up about her dating troubles. It was an openness that he’d never experienced before, most people shied away from being vulnerable with him, giving him any part of themselves that he could hurt. He knew Nate from around and a few classes. He was a lacrosse player, and the lacrosse team partied, so that meant Oliver ran in similar circles. “I can talk to him, if you want. Ask him to back off.”_

_Felicity met his eyes, and his breath caught in his throat. She looked a little hesitant, but behind her glasses he could see her relief. And how beautiful her eyes were. Actually, her whole face was doing things to his breathing. “You don’t have to do that.” She said quietly. “I can handle him.”_

_Oliver realized that he didn’t doubt that, but something about this girl made him want to protect her. He didn’t even know her last name, but he wanted to do something to help her. And he wasn’t exactly the helping kind. “Does he scare you?” Oliver asked gently, not taking his eyes from hers. She bit her lip, breaking their eye contact to study her hands, and he could tell that she was wondering what the answer to that would mean. She finally shrugged, and he sighed. “Okay then. I’ll talk to him.”_

_“Why would you get involved?” She asked, “You don’t even know me.” She didn’t know him either, yet she’d basically given him her whole life story in the first five minutes. If a stalkerish lacrosse player wasn’t baggage, she didn’t know what was. She bit her lip, wondering if spilling her guts to Oliver Queen was the best decision, especially when she seemed to be developing a soft spot for the gentle way he was speaking to her._

_“Could I?” He asked, the question slipping out before he even thought about it. Felicity watched him hesitantly, and Oliver cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly. “We should go out sometime,” he said with a shrug, much more composed. His voice was laid back, like it was when he talked to any other girl. He offered her his winning crooked smile, the one that had gotten plenty of girls to say yes to dates, or into his bed if he wanted._

_Felicity’s eyes narrowed a bit at the change in his attitude; going from a concerned stranger to a cocky douche. He started out teasing when he’d scared her, but then she’d surprised him, and he was just getting back to his usual charade._

_She obviously knew his reputation, since she’d seemed to recognize him when she saw him. So that meant she wouldn’t be going out with him. He’d been rejected by girls like her, not often, but the smart ones wanted no part of him, and he’d gotten good at knowing which girls he could flirt his way into and which ones would roll their eyes at him. She was still studying him, but he knew that an eye roll would be coming soon._

_When she sighed, Oliver waited. “Okay.”_

_Oliver froze, “What?”_

_She met his gaze again, seeing the deer-in-headlights expression and noticing the tone of his voice, her eyebrows pushed together in confusion, “Do you not want to go out with me?”_

_He shifted beside her, “Well, yeah, I do. I just…Do you actually want to go out with me?”_

_Felicity’s expression was still confused, “Yes. That’s why I said yes.”_

_Oliver couldn’t tear his gaze off of hers. She was so open, so trusting. She’d just shared that she was afraid of some douche lacrosse player camping outside of her house, and then agreed to go on a date with him when he knew that it must be against her better judgment. “You know who I am, right? I mean, I thought when you…you’ve heard about me?”_

_He wasn’t sure that she could look more confused, but when his words set in, she managed it. “Yes,” she said slowly. “Are you trying to make me say no? If you didn’t want to go out with me, then why did you ask?”_

_“I do…I just didn’t expect you to say yes.” He said honestly._

_Felicity studied him for another moment, and he wondered what, in their first and only conversation, she was seeing in him that kept making her look at him like that. “Why not?” She asked finally, quietly._

_“Because I’m an asshole.”_

_She shook her head slightly, “I don’t think so.”_

_He shifted uncomfortably. The few girls that had said no to going out with him were for that very reason. And even the ones who said yes knew that he was an asshole. “Not yet.”_

_“Why don’t you let me decide that for myself. You can pick me up on Friday at 8.” She said, hopping off of the desk and heading for the door. Oliver watched her leave, wondering what had just happened, and what was happening to him. He wasn’t sure why she was so open with him or why she was even interested, but he knew that he wasn’t going to miss an opportunity with a girl like that._

                                                                               

* * *

 

“You know it’s him, right?”

“Shut up, Tommy.” Felicity swallowed the last of her wine. The last of her fourth glass of wine. She waved to the bartender for another.

“Come on, quick wit, you know it’s true. You think it’s just a coincidence that Oliver comes back to town from a secret island right at the same time that we gain a vigilante?” Felicity cringed at the nickname Tommy only used when he wanted to get through to her. Or tease her. It only ever worked because of how much it bugged her. Quick wit wasn’t the worst thing to be called, but she knew he only did it to get under her skin.

Like he was now. Because what Tommy was saying was exactly what she’d been thinking for the past two weeks. Oliver had slept in her bed that first night in her apartment, but the next morning he’d gotten apologetic, before getting quiet. He looked like he regretted the moment they’d had. And so for the past two weeks, he’d been jumping from her couch to his house, or apparently, even Tommy’s place. “You don’t think it’s weird that he leaves in the middle of the night.”

“That’s when he works out.” Felicity defended. “He has trouble sleeping and he just needs to let off some steam.” She repeated the words that he’d said to her, and Tommy’s eyes narrowed at her; both of them coming to the conclusion that they’d been given the same excuse.

“Bullshit.” Tommy mumbled.

Felicity started into her fifth glass, feeling a little more than buzzed. “Just because he told us both the same thing doesn’t mean its not true. Maybe that means that it _is_.”

“Yeah? Then how come after he woke up screaming one night, and he gave me the same lame excuse as you got, when I offered to go to for a run with him, he almost bit my head off to stop me?”

Felicity shook her head. Tommy was stretching. But she knew she had been too. Apparently they both wanted Oliver to be the city’s hero. Or maybe they both just knew it, and Tommy was looking for a way to prove it. Felicity wasn’t there yet. The whole idea was a lot, and she didn’t know what to think. She wasn’t ready to think about it more. “Just let it go, Tommy. Oliver has a lot of problems right now, but he’s not running around the city trying to save people like some superhero. He’s not The Hood.”

Tommy studied her in a familiar way, like he used to, and Felicity shifted under his gaze. Oliver had a talent for seeing right through her, but Tommy was almost just as good at it. She knew that breaking eye contact with him would only make her seem more guilty, so she kept her eyes locked on his, praying that he would drop it. "I know you don’t believe that,“ he said quietly.

"Don’t believe what?” Oliver asked, coming up behind them and patting Tommy on the back. Felicity startled slightly, her wine sloshing from her glass a little. Oliver furrowed his brow at her, and she knew his protective shoes were coming on. “How many drinks have you had?”

“Just a few,” she waved him off, successfully spilling some more wine.

Tommy raised his eyebrows and took the glass from her hands, “And now she’s cut off.”

“Seems like she should have been cut off a couple drinks before that one.” Oliver replied, sitting down at the table. His ex-girlfriend and his best friend had been sitting close together, talking lowly, and they hadn’t noticed him come in. He took the seat beside Tommy and across from Felicity.

“ _She_ is sitting right here.” Felicity said, straightening up, away from Tommy.

“Don’t believe what?” Oliver asked again, his eyes shifting between Tommy and Felicity.

Tommy chuckled, “Felicity was just saying that she doesn’t think The Hood is a real hero, but I don’t believe her, I think it was just the wine talking.”

Oliver’s gaze landed on her, “Why not?” He asked, leaning across the table. Tommy wasn’t sure if Oliver’s question was due to an interest in talking to Felicity, or talking to Felicity about The Hood, but he added Oliver’s interest in the subject to the list he was calling ‘reasons my best friend is the vigilante’.

Tommy had been caught up in his thoughts, it wasn’t until Felicity kicked him that he noticed the awkward silence. “Ow.”

Felicity laughed nervously, “I don’t know. We started the debate a couple glasses ago, it’s all kind of over my head now.” She didn’t know how to answer the question because she actually believed the opposite. The masked man that had been putting criminals behind bars for the past two weeks was a hero in her eyes. She wasn’t sure if that was because deep down she believed it was Oliver…or if she really saw him as a hero. Either way, she wasn’t ready to think about it, despite Tommy’s prodding.

Oliver shrugged, “So, I didn’t know that you two were so close.” He prompted.

Felicity and Tommy exchanged a look, and Felicity was glad that she was the drunkest. That meant Tommy would have to answer. Tommy lifted a shoulder, “After you left, Felicity and I spent some time together, we both missed you…It was easy to find things in common.”

“Yeah,” Felicity shoved him, “Like your secret love for all things Harry Potter.”

Tommy groaned, his head falling back, “Aw, come on quick wit, didn’t we agree never to talk about that again?”

Felicity laughed and Tommy did too, but Oliver just nodded. “I think I read a couple of those books as a kid.”

“I only became obsessed because Felicity made me watch all of the movies at once. I swear, I was partially convinced I had magical powers after those two long ass days.”

Felicity laughed again, and Oliver realized that he had barely heard her laugh since he came home. It wasn’t lost on him that Tommy was the first and only person who had made her laugh. It wasn’t lost on him that _he_ hadn’t made her laugh. She barely even smiled around him. She was always tense and serious around him. This easy-going, smiling, care-free side of her was a side that he had missed, dreamed about, and longed for. And she was right in front of him, but it was his best friend bringing that out of her. Oliver felt the twinge of jealousy. “How is Sara doing?” He asked before he could think better of it.

Tommy frowned, “I told you that we broke up four years ago, buddy.”

Oliver hit his head, “Oh, I’m sorry. I completely forgot.” He played dumb. “You guys were just together for most of our lives. You didn’t really say much about it…what happened?”

Tommy glanced at Felicity, and Oliver clenched his fists under the table, waiting for the news that he knew would crush him. Felicity had been with Barry, he knew that, but there was clearly love shared between Tommy and her, and he felt the knot in his stomach telling him that something had happened between them. Tommy sighed, “Look, this isn’t your fault at all, Oliver. I’m only telling you because I want to be honest with you. I take the blame for all of it though, okay? So don’t do that thing that you always do where you blame yourself.”

Oliver nodded once, not able to relax. Felicity gave him a curious look, noting the tension in his shoulders and on his lips. “That first year that you were away…I got a little obsessed…I felt like I needed to find you, to bring you home. I let the search consume my whole world. I was traveling all over these islands near where they said your boat went down, showing your picture and putting up flyers. I was mapping out routes that the storm could have taken the boat…” He sighed, “It was my fault. I became a little bit too crazy about it, and I didn’t make time for Sara. I lost her.”

Oliver’s eyes softened a bit, “I’m sorry, Tommy.”

“It’s not your fault. It was mine. She moved on and I’m happy now, though. Everything is okay.”

Oliver looked down at his hands, rubbing his thumb to his index finger. Tommy and Sara were the only reason Oliver believed in love growing up. And if it wasn’t for them, getting to watch them fall for each other, he probably never would have had a chance when Felicity walked into his life. “Hey,” Felicity jumped up, rounding the table and reaching for him. He immediately took her hands in his. “Come dance with me.”

Oliver cocked his head to the side, “You know I don’t dance.”

“You know I don’t care.” She shot back.

Tommy laughed, loving that her sass was thrown at someone other than him, "You tell him, quick wit, get his ass on that dance floor!“

Oliver stood, if only so that his body was close to hers, their hands still connected. "Quick wit?” He asked.

Felicity rolled her eyes, “It’s a nickname that Tommy just won’t give up.” She shot him a look. “No matter how much I beg.”

Tommy was grinning, shaking his head at her, “Stop having such sassy comebacks, quick wit, and I’ll stop calling you quick wit.”

She rolled her eyes again, “Bite me, Tommy!” She shouted over her shoulder, leading Oliver to the dance floor. Once they reached it, Felicity turned, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her chest to his. Oliver’s hands instinctually ran from her hips, up her back, and down again in slow movements. Felicity sighed, resting her head on his chest. “I missed this.” She said softly, and Oliver’s hands held her a little tighter. He’d been trying for two weeks to keep his distance. Even if he needed to stay at her place, he made sure to crash on the couch. Except for the first night; the one that he’d spent in her bed, curled around her. It was everything that he’d needed for five years, and better than any of the dreams he’d had about it. Holding her again, hearing her quiet breath while she slept safely in his arms…he still wasn’t sure how he’d kept himself away from her since getting that feeling back that night.

* * *

He pulled up to her apartment and turned the car off, keeping his hands on the steering wheel. He turned towards her as her hand reached for the door handle. But then she paused and turned back to him. “Are you staying here tonight?” She asked quietly.

Oliver met her gaze evenly, “No, but thank you,” he shook his head slightly, “Tommy’s couch.” She pursed her lips, but didn’t say anything.

He knew that the question on his mind might get him in trouble. He knew that he had no right to ask it. He knew that the answer might do more hurt than good. But the knot in his stomach and the anxious feeling he’d had all night told him that he had to ask. “Felicity,” he said when her hand reached for the handle again. She turned back to him, and he couldn’t help but notice the hopeful look on her face. “Did anything ever happen…between you and Tommy?”

Felicity looked confused…and then her face fell a little. “Do you really think that I would do that?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, and she looked even more hurt than she had five seconds before, "You just seem…very _fond_ of him.“

Felicity sighed, "What Tommy told you earlier…about why him and Sara broke up. He was only speaking for himself. He didn’t tell you the part where I was just as obsessed as he was with finding you.” His eyes met hers, and she’d gone from being hurt and sad to hurt and angry.

“No one understood how I felt that first year except for Tommy, Oliver. We were desperate to find you. I was helping him. At first it was all business; maps and travel plans. But then we became _friends_. The more time that passed, the more people that gave up on seeing you come home.” Her words stung, but she didn’t notice and he didn’t care, she was telling the story that he needed to hear. “It was easy to talk to Tommy, Oliver. Not because he still had hope like I did, although that saved me in a lot of ways…but we could talk about you. We could laugh and reminisce, tell stories…and not talk about you like you were gone. It made it a little less painful to have him while I went through it all. He didn’t blame me, or hate me, or shut me out. He saw that I loved you and wanted to find you as much as he did. I just kept thinking…I felt like his friendship let me hold on to a piece of you. And I know that he felt the same way.”

“Felicity…I’m sorry-”

“So no. Nothing ever 'happened-’” she made air quotes, “between Tommy and I.”

He felt a little guilty for asking, but he wasn’t sorry that he heard everything she’d said. He wanted to know more, more about Tommy and Sara, more about that year, and the four after that, that she’d lived without him, but mostly more about how she felt. He’d seen her upset since he came home, guilty and unsure…sad. But he hadn’t seen that anger she just showed. He knew that he deserved it. He could have asked about Tommy and her in a million different ways, but he went for a direct and honest answer. He just wished he hadn’t hurt her feelings.

Felicity opened the door, getting out of the car and onto the sidewalk before he could make himself move. “Felicity,” he called after her, getting out and closing the door, he leaned against the car before speaking. He had to shove his hands in his pockets to keep from chasing after her, kissing her for however long it took for her not to be angry with him, and then probably a little longer. “Thank you for trying to find me. I know that it must not have been easy for you to accept that I was…I mean, I know that if the roles were reversed, I would have been the same way that you and Tommy were.”

Her shoulders relaxed a bit. “I wouldn’t have hooked up with Tommy out of grief for losing you, Oliver. I loved you way too much.”

He shifted, glancing at his feet and trying not to think about the _boy_ she had moved on with. “I’m glad that you stopped searching, though, and moved on. You deserve to be happy, and I know that my coming back here messed that up…with you and him.”

Felicity looked confused again. “Coming back? Where else would you have gone?”

Oliver shrugged, “I thought about finding some remote island and living out the rest of my life in a tropical paradise.”

Felicity shook her head, “I wouldn’t have let you go. Or I would have gone with you.”

Oliver smiled slightly, picturing that. He knew that that alternate choice would have made him happier than he’d ever been; lounging on a beach at sunset with a bikini-wearing Felicity. “That would have been nice.”

Felicity smiled back, “You know…when I asked you earlier…if you were staying here,” She hesitated, biting her lip.

“Don’t worry about it,” Oliver shrugged, “Tommy said I could crash at his place.”

“Do you _want_ to stay with me tonight?” She asked.

Oliver stared at her for a moment, didn’t she know the answer to that? Of course he did. But every time he 'slept’ on her couch, all he did was stare at the ceiling all night trying to remind himself of all of the reasons he shouldn’t climb into bed with her. He couldn’t think of a good excuse when she asked it like that. It’d be easy to say that Tommy was expecting him, or he didn’t want to impose on her, but that wasn’t what she was asking. All he could do was stare at her, nodding slowly.

“Then why don’t you?” She asked quietly.

“I can’t.” He answered, closing his eyes.

“Why, Oliver? I know you’ve been through hell. I can see it on your face every day how much you’re hurting. Let me be here for you.”

Oliver kept his eyes closed, half of him wishing that he could do that and half of him wishing that he’d done a better job of pushing her away earlier. The pain in her voice in that moment was exactly what he’d wanted to avoid. But instead, he’d stepped back into her life with one foot; only making all of this harder. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He sighed.

He didn’t open his eyes to look at her, and she knew that he was pushing again. She waited until his eyes opened to meet hers. His eyes were glazed over, but she could feel the hot tears on her own face. "You already are.“ She said, turning away from him.


	6. Pictures of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity searches to find an old friend, but is interrupted by her ex. Oliver takes steps to let Felicity in, and to save the city. Felicity and Tommy find a connection between Oliver and The Hood.

She was an anxious cleaner. She knew it, she'd been teased for it, and she didn't care.

She was having trouble sleeping because of everything running through her head at night; how Thea was doing, if Tommy and Oliver could get their old friendship back, the fact that her mother called her every two seconds ever since the news about Oliver broke. She was also not sleeping because after she turned her back on Oliver the other night, she stupidly got the idea that she needed to find Sara. After Oliver disappeared and Tommy broke up with Sara to find him, she left Starling. And according to her father, "fell off the grid". He hadn't seen his daughter in two years. Felicity didn't even know if Tommy knew about all of that. She'd asked Tommy a few months ago, but he hadn't heard from her since the breakup four years ago. And he never expected to again.

Sara ran off, hopped from island to island and lived a gypsy life. It always sounded so romantic and adventurous to Felicity, like a dream that everyone always wished they could have. Maybe that was what made people not worry about Sara, they all fantasized her sitting on a beach sipping a margarita and enjoying her life stress-free. But Felicity couldn't shake the feeling that something about that picture was wrong; distorted in some way. Maybe the others were too close to Sara to see the faults in all of it, to see the signs that lead her down this rabbit hole that she couldn't stop herself from following now.

Two years of silence was odd, but Quentin received post cards around the holidays and letters every now and then. It wasn't until recently that he became worried. Sara had spent two years dodging Lance's calls due to bad service on various remote islands. But the letters and post cards kept Quentin at bay. He hadn't received one in months, though. He didn't even know where she was or how to reach out to her.

Felicity tried to be less obsessed in her search for Sara than she was with Oliver's. She dedicated a couple of hours every day to her computer and that search. But she couldn't tell anyone, especially Lance and Laurel, that she was looking. She didn't want to get their hopes up if she couldn't her.

The secret about Sara and her disappearance weighed on Felicity. She knew that Oliver and Tommy deserved to know, and she knew that sooner or later, Oliver would want to see his old friend. She knew that he would want to find Sara soon enough, to try to fix what happened between her and Tommy. And she just wanted _something_ to give them before that day came. She just wanted to track her down and get some answers about where she'd been all these years.  

But even more stressful than any of that, was Oliver. Tommy called daily to share his theories about Oliver being The Hood. And the more that time went on...the more she was starting to believe it. Oliver had Starling fooled, the people here all knew him as a self-absorbed billionaire who was far too selfish to devote his time to saving the city, to risk his life to save anyone else. Felicity was the only one who knew the person he became after a few years away from that lifestyle-a few years with her. She knew how big his heart was, how protective and stubborn he was, and she definitely knew that Oliver being The Hood was possible. But, as even further, condemning evidence, Oliver kept up the charade for the people of Starling City; especially his mother, Tommy, and Thea. Felicity couldn't understand why he wouldn't want them to know that he had changed...unless he had something to hide.

The only reason that Tommy wasn't fooled by Oliver was because he knew who Oliver was through Felicity, and her stories about him. When they'd first got to talking, Tommy demanded to see pictures to prove that the same man she spoke about was the one he'd grown up with. He especially couldn't believe her story about the birthday that he'd lit the apartment with candles, cooked dinner, and had a bath ready when she got home from class. Tommy may not have _seen_ much of the change in him, since Oliver distanced himself from Starling when he left for college. But he could connect what he knew of Oliver, to what Felicity said, to the island, to the way he acted now. And in Tommy's equation of all of those added factors, Oliver was The Hood.

Felicity still didn't feel ready to admit that it was true, even though she knew it deep down.

She was tapping on her keyboard quickly, trying to confirm a hunch in her search for Sara, shaking her head to clear all thoughts of Oliver, Tommy, and vigilantes out. She'd gotten a lead; a blonde girl photographed on an island in the Philippines. The resemblance was a stretch, her face was hidden...but it was the hat that had caught her attention; a Starling City Rockets baseball cap.

She was prepared to spend her night following the lead until she found enough proof that this girl was Sara so that she could tell the Lance family, Tommy, and Oliver all about the whole thing and get it off her chest once and for all. But then Barry called, and she'd been too busy staring at her computer and the picture of Sara to look down at her phone and see who was calling. So she answered, expecting it to be Tommy or Oliver. Aside from her mother, she was also ignoring Barry's calls for the sake of not knowing what the hell to say.

He'd been surprised to hear her voice, but regained his composure and asked if he could swing by to pick up some of his things he'd left at her apartment. He said he would be over in ten minutes, so she knew he was running. She paced for a couple of minutes, then she gathered his stuff and put it all by the door so that he wouldn't have to go looking for everything. When she was done getting all of his things together, she was forced to clean. Barry hadn't arrived yet, and it kept her busy; focused her mind on something other than Barry; or the million other things that she _really_ needed to stop analyzing.

She was trying to organize the papers in a drawer of her coffee table when she pulled out a file. She opened it and knew immediately what it was; the report from the hospital that Oliver wanted to see; the one she helped him break into a file room to look at. She hadn't known that he _stole_ it, though. She knew he wouldn't want her to see it. But...he had left it in _her_ drawer, _her_ apartment and all...so she opened it anyway.

The file was paper-clipped, report after report, photos, and medical records of a young boy. Someone had crossed out the boy's name in black sharpie anytime it had appeared, but there was an address for somewhere in The Glades. The photographs of the boy were gruesome, he stood shirtless and covered in bruises. It seemed that the only parts of his body that were not black and blue with bruising were covered in blood, coming from his nose, eyes, and mouth. The reports started by claiming accidental injuries, a rebellious twelve year old kid who enjoyed riding his bike off of ramps, getting into street fights, and one even claimed he'd broken his arm after jumping from a roof. As the reports and photos went on, the bruising got worse. Felicity didn't think that was possible, but later reports showed that the boy had fresh, dark, new bruises over older, yellowing ones. The doctors had apparently come to the same conclusion that she was, the boy was being abused. 

Felicity jumped when she heard a knock on her door. She shoved all of the reports back into the file before hiding it under the couch cushion and running to the door. She swung it open and Barry smiled. It was the same smile that brought her so much comfort and stability over the past few years. But it didn't do very much to comfort her in that moment. "I'm sorry." She blurted.

Barry laughed, "Hello to you too."

She let out the breath that she'd been holding. "I should have answered your calls before. So I'm sorry." She scrambled, trying to switch her mind into 'awkward conversation with ex-boyfriend' mode. "I should have called. You deserve better." She swallowed as Barry stared at her for a moment. He nodded once, and she knew that she was forgiven. Communication was never a problem for her and Barry. Felicity opened the door to let him in. "I put all of your stuff over here, but if you see that something's missing, feel free to look around."

"How's Oliver doing?"

"Barry..."

"I mean it, Felicity. He must have been through hell."

"He's fine," She answered quietly, glancing away as she wrapped her sweater tighter around herself.

Barry analyzed her for a moment, "You don't really know how he is, do you?"

She sighed in annoyance, "Do you really want to talk about me and Oliver?"

Barry chuckled, "Felicity, I've been wanting to talk about you and Oliver ever since I met you. I wanted to talk about those pictures of him that suddenly disappeared a week after I started sleeping here. I wanted to talk about him that night that we saw Thea and Moira Queen out to dinner, or any of those nights that you called out for him in your sleep. I wanted to talk about that ring that you hide in the back of your underwear drawer...every day since I found it. Or why you blame yourself for his disappearance. So yes, I do want to talk about you and Oliver. I always have, and I think you owe me that, at least this once."

Felicity turned for the kitchen, "Do you want some tea?"

"Felicity..."

"I fell in love with him when we were freshmen in college. We were together for four years. He asked me to marry him at the end of our senior year. I wasn't ready. He left with his dad. And then his boat went down. His best friend Tommy and I... we tried to find him. We spent two years searching for him, but we couldn't. Eventually we lost hope, and we stopped looking. But I kept a tab on his credit card, ID, all of his accounts...just waiting for a hit. But then I needed to get away, away from Starling and away from the daily reminder that he was gone. So I moved. And that's when you came in."

"You moved to Central City and met The Flash."

"That's right," she nodded, "You found me one night and you asked me to help you, to join your team, and I had something to believe in again."

"Okay." He said simply.

Felicity looked up at him slowly with distrusting eyes, "Okay?"

Barry nodded, "I did my homework on you before I reached out to you, Felicity. I knew about Oliver's disappearance. And when I met you and got to know you, I noticed that you never said that he was dead. You always said 'gone'. You believed that he was still alive. Or you hoped that he was. Either way, when we started dating, I knew that. And I wanted to be with you anyway. You're too smart of a girl to have blind hope. There was a reason you had hope, so I always knew that it was possible. I always knew that he could come back...and I knew that this could happen."

Felicity hesitated for a moment, "That what could happen?"

"That if and when Oliver Queen returned...that I would lose you."

"Barry..." Felicity breathed, her eyes watering, "I'm so sorry."

"I knew what I was getting myself into, Felicity. It hurts, and I wish that I still had you." He said honestly, not breaking eye contact. "But I don't blame you. And I don't wish that this was different. You deserve to be happy, and even though you were happy with me...it wasn't the happiness that you needed. I'm happy that Oliver came back, I would never wish differently. He's the love of your life."

Felicity laughed once, wiping at her tears, "Thank you. I always knew you were too good for me."

Barry stepped closer and pulled her into a hug, "Not too good for you, Felicity...just not _right_ for you."

Felicity let him hold her for a long moment, and then she helped him bring his things to his car where he held her for another long moment. "Thank you for understanding all of this, Barry." She whispered, "Everything has been so chaotic and difficult, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you."

"Anytime Felicity. The door is always open for you at Team Flash."

Felicity rolled her eyes, "Please don't call it that."

Barry smiled at her, his eyes on hers, and she knew that he was trying to read her and see that she was okay. "Be careful, all right?" He said finally, gently.

She nodded, "Star City has become a safer place since we gained a vigilante. Maybe you inspired someone."

Barry scoffed, "That guy is a monster Felicity, not a hero."

* * *

 Felicity tried to focus on her work, on finding Sara, but she kept zoning out and thinking about what Barry said. If Oliver was the vigilante, it didn't sit right with her that Barry said he wasn't a hero. If she was being honest though, it was the fact that he may have referred to Oliver as a monster that made her restless.

She decided to go for a walk to clear her head, but all she could think about was whether or not Oliver was The Hood. When she looked at it from Barry's perspective of him, it seemed impossible. She believed that Oliver was capable of saving people, that he had the heart and the determination to do something like that. But was he a killer? Could he really be viewed as a monster the way that Barry said? She had previously brushed off the instances when The Hood killed, probably because she didn't want to think that Oliver had done it.

Felicity's mind wandered along with her body, until her feet finally made their final protest. They were throbbing, and she knew that time must have gotten away from her. She sighed, pulling off her shoes and letting the cool pavement soothe her feet. It was dark now, but she didn't have a lot of fear, not even in Starling. She'd done extensive background checks on everyone in the neighborhood before choosing her apartment a year and a half ago.

She made her way up the stairs and into her apartment, dropping her shoes by the door and noticing a familiar smell. She didn't recognize the fancy Italian dish, exactly. But she recognized the cooking, the chef. She turned the corner to her kitchen and saw Oliver nursing a beer while he stood in front of her stove.

"How did you even get in here?" she asked, leaning against the door frame. She knew that she should feel anxious; everything with Sara, what Barry said about The Hood, the file she found, everything going on between them, the fact that she was almost certain he was the vigilante. But all she felt was relief to see him, she felt a desire to tell him about everything. It'd been a few days since she'd seen him last. She'd stopped by to visit Thea, knowing that Oliver would be there. Because she knew Thea, she knew that it wouldn't just be a girls' night. Thea is a meddler, and Felicity guessed that she was probably trying to get them back together. Her hunch was proven correct when Thea insisted on making dinner and then "getting a phone call" and leaving for the entire meal. She'd shared a nice, polite, and safe dinner with him; guard up and walls high. They didn't talk about much, especially not Tommy after their argument outside of her apartment the week before. Felicity knew she was in trouble though, because even that awkward, and pretty boring dinner with Oliver made her happy, just to have spent time with him. 

Felicity was too tired for the back and forth, the push and pull. She hated how he would be kind and sweet one day and cold and standoffish the next. It was messing with her head. She couldn't even tell if he _liked_ her or not, let alone thought about her as much as she thought about him.

"I have my ways," he answered her question with a wink over her shoulder that put a knot in her throat.

She chuckled, "Making me dinner would be a sweeter gesture if you didn't break into my apartment to do it."

He smiled at her, putting his spoon down and carrying a glass of wine over to her. Felicity sighed, sitting at the table and stretching her legs out in front of her. "Now this is something I could get used to." She hesitated, not wanting to scare him off or make him guarded, "So why are you here? Just to cook me pasta, or is there something else?"

"Well..." Oliver said, turning his back to her, focusing on the noodles. Felicity took a big gulp of her red wine, and then another. "I need to ask you for a favor."

"Does this one require breaking into a hospital's private records?"

"Not exactly," he smiled slyly over at her.

Felicity rolled her eyes, knowing that his smile could convince her to do anything he wanted. "What do you need?"

"I need you...to find someone." Oliver turned the burners off on the stove, and placed the spoon on the counter. He came to the table and sat down across from her. "Look, this isn't going to sound good, so I need you to just...stay calm, and to keep it between me and you, okay?"

Felicity nodded, mesmerized by the intense look in his eyes. It was a new one, mysterious. It was like she could see hundreds of secrets rattling on cages to be set free, but he wouldn't let them out. Not yet. She hoped that he would share them with her though, someday. "I need you to find Sara Lance." Oliver said, keeping his eyes on hers.

Felicity stared back, wide eyed. She took a moment to think by clearing her throat and putting her wine glass on the table. "What?" she asked, trying to play it cool but her voice cracked.

"Sara hasn't been seen in nearly four years. There hasn't been mail sent in her name in almost three months, but even when she was sending post cards to her father, there was no evidence that she was in the countries she said she was. I haven't been able to track her down since I got here. I haven't been able to find any reason to believe that Sara Lance even left the country. Just the postcards from various islands."

"How do you even know about any of that?" Felicity asked, her eyes searching his.

Oliver inhaled before answering, "I don't have a good feeling about it Felicity, I don't know where she is. We need to find her. Please, will you help me?"

"Oliver..."

"Please, Felicity, could you check for me? I know it's a lot to ask. I know it requires hacking databases that you don't have any business in, but I just need to know that she's okay."

Felicity sighed, taking Oliver by the hand and leading him to her computers. She turned them on and pulled up all of her 'Sara files', all of her research. Oliver looked surprised, but only for a moment. "Why are you already looking into it?"

"Quentin mentioned that he hasn't heard from her in a while. I thought that I would just check in. And that was three months ago. I still haven't been able to find her." Felicity cupped her face in her hands as she stared at the screens, "I'm glad you know, though. I don't know what it means. Every lead has been a dead end." Felicity pulled up the photo from the Philippines, "Except for this one. This is the only photo I've been able to find of Sara since she left Starling. And I can't even be certain that this is her."

"Felicity," Oliver started, his eyes on the photo, "why wouldn't you bring this to the police?"

"I...I've done some hacking jobs," Felicity said slowly, wondering how to explain the strange things she has seen, the things she knows from working with Barry and his team. "Something about Sara's case doesn't sit right..." she pressed her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, "would you think I'm crazy if I said I don't trust the police? If I said that they wouldn't be any help?"

Oliver leaned into the screen, staring at the photo, "No..."

"Look, all we have right now is a young girl who is keeping in touch with her family through postcards. Even if she's not where she says she is, that doesn't mean she's hurt or lost. The police have limits; I can hack into databases and records that they can't touch."

"Does Tommy know about this?"

"No," Felicity answered, "and neither does Quentin. They think that she's island hopping and dodging everyone from home. I don't want them to worry...but I think its time to worry."

Oliver continued to stare at the photo while Felicity looked up at him. "Oliver...it seems like you know everything that I've already found...how?"

Oliver glared down at her coldly. The walls were going up, and she knew she'd have to fight hard to get them back down. "Why didn't you tell me you were looking into her disappearance?" His voice was accusing, and Felicity felt her blood boil at his tone.

"First of all," she stood up, forcing him to stand up too from where he hovered over her. "I didn't know that it was even a 'disappearance' until right now. And second of all, I would tell Laurel, Lance and Tommy before I would tell you, and I haven't told them. Because I didn't know if it was anything to worry about. All I've got is a blurry picture of a blonde girl in the Philippines wearing a Starling Rockets baseball cap."

"You didn't think it was worth mentioning that you can't find any record of her travels? She's been sending postcards, and it didn't strike you as off that you couldn't find any evidence that Sara was actually at the places she said she was?"

"Did I find it off that a girl who goes island hopping to run from a heartbreak would cover her tracks? No. I thought she didn't want to hear from Laurel or Quentin. I've only been trying to find her whereabouts for the past three months, not since she left. I didn't cross check any of that. We all thought that she's been where she said she was."

"Well it doesn't look like she has, now does it?"

Felicity glared, "Get out, Oliver." Oliver stared for a moment, not sure if she was serious. She raised an eyebrow at him before walking to the door and holding it open for him. The stress of everything was starting to tear her down, her life had changed so drastically, so fast, and she hadn't had time to catch up with it. She never would have thought that she'd be kicking Oliver Queen out of her apartment, but she needed time to think, to process everything and figure out a plan, and if he wasn't going to help her, if he was going to be against her instead of with her, well, then... "Get out." She repeated. 

"What?" he asked.

Felicity sighed, "I am way too tired...of everything...to stand here and listen to you blame me, as if its _my_ fault that Sara's missing."

Oliver shook his head, wondering what was wrong with him. His intentions when he came home was for Felicity to hate him. He wanted her to push him so far away that he could never hurt her again, because she was too smart to let him. But he'd failed, and his half-ass attempts at pushing her away weren't worth much when he paired it with an apology. And his apologies weren't worth very much either anymore, when he gave them nearly every time she spoke to him. "I'm sorry," he said anyway.

Felicity leaned against the open door, resting her head on the wood.

"I haven't been very fair to you." he said quietly, his head down. He walked across the room to stand in front of her.

"No, you haven't." She replied, keeping one hand at her side and the other tightly gripping the doorknob.

"It'd be a lot easier if I could just walk away from you." He was so close that she had to tilt her head up to see his eyes, and he could tell that she was still angry by the way she glared at him, her blue eyes fiery and beautiful, passionate. 

Felicity kept her voice even, "Why can't you?"

"Because I've already walked away from you once, and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I know I can't do it again. That's why I've been trying to get you to."

"Well I won't either." She said defiantly, her eyes not leaving his.

Oliver sighed, pulling her away from the door, he closed it. Oliver stepped closer to her, and she instinctively took one away, her back against the wall. Oliver placed his hands on the wall, on either side of her head. "I guess we're at an impasse then."

Felicity felt the change in the air. It may not be the heart-pouring conversation she was hoping for, but he had acknowledged it; out loud. He was pushing her away. Not only that, but he was unable to walk away from her again. Her heart was racing as he leaned closer, resting his forehead to hers. "I know I don't deserve you; don't deserve this. But I want it." he murmured.

"So take it," she whispered back, her voice shaky, but sure. Oliver met her gaze, analyzed her for a moment as if to confirm that she meant it. He knew that he hadn't really given her the answers that she wanted or that she deserved, but she was nodding, her hands sliding up his back, and he sighed under her touch, stepping forward to press himself against her, to move his hips against hers. Felicity let out a breathy moan, "I want this, Oliver."

Oliver let his fingers graze her bare legs, exploring up until he reached her shorts, and then sliding his hands around to grab her backside and pull her tighter against him, eliciting another, louder moan from her lips. He crushed his lips to hers, and her arms wound around his neck.

They were both breathless and lost in their kiss, it took a moment for the ringing phone to register to either of them. Oliver noticed it first, and he let out an annoyed grunt without taking his mouth from Felicity's.

It was only when he reached down to pull her phone from her pocket that she heard the ringing. But even then, she held his face tighter, not wanting to stop, kissing the corner of his mouth while he opened one eye to see who was calling her. His brow furrowed, but he didn't stop her lips from roaming over his cheek and neck while he pushed the green button with a harsh "What?"

"Oliver?"

"What do you need, Tommy?" Oliver would be lying if he said that he was only irritated at the interruption. It made it worse that it was Tommy. His phone was right in his pocket, and _his_ hadn't been ringing. Tommy was calling _hers_. And the cherry on top was that Felicity's lips froze on his jaw when he spoke, when he said 'Tommy' and she realized it was him on the phone.

"Oh, Uh, I just wanted to ask Felicity if she wanted to grab dinner tomorrow night...I was going to call you next." Felicity pulled away, meeting Oliver's gaze. She could obviously hear the conversation. "But since you're with her, I'll just ask you both now. How about Big Belly at 8:00, like old times." Oliver heard him, but he was a little preoccupied watching Felicity. She didn't look away while she pursed her swollen lips, smoothing her hair behind her ears.

"Sure," Oliver answered, handing the phone to Felicity before Tommy could reply. 

"Hello?" She said, breaking her gaze now, and gently pushing Oliver away, walking across the room as Tommy responded, where Oliver couldn't hear.

"Holy shit. That was close. I _actually_ wanted to ask if you've seen the news tonight."

"Uh, sure, Tommy. Dinner sounds great."

"Yeah, whatever. Some guy got arrested tonight. He got the shit beaten out of him. Felicity, I think Oliver did it."

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow once Oliver and I talk about it. I don't know if I want Belly Burger again. We just ate there last week." She rolled her eyes at Oliver, "Talk to you later Tommy." She hung up, making her way back over to Oliver. She could tell that he was confused, unsure, and maybe even nervous.

"Dinner tomorrow with Tommy." He said, nodding. 

Felicity forced a smile, "Yeah," she said, "I'll try to find out where Sara is before that. I know you don't want to have to spend time with him while hiding a secret like this from him. I don't want there to be secrets."

Oliver stared into her eyes, "Right. Well, maybe it's better if we...get all of that figured out...before, you know, you and I think about..."

"Okay," Felicity whispered. 

Oliver leaned forward and cradled her face between his hands, "I do love you, Felicity Smoak. I always have." He kissed her forehead, "I always will."

Felicity nodded, "We're going to be okay, Oliver. I believe that." She pressed a small, light kiss against his lips before showing him out of her apartment. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Once Oliver was gone, she turned on her television. The man who had been arrested was some lowlife drug dealer from The Glades. He'd been peddling a new drug called Vertigo before he was beaten and put behind bars. Felicity called Tommy back. "Why do you think it was Oliver?" she asked before he could even say 'hello'. 

"Does that mean you believe that Oliver's The Hood now?"

"It means...I don't know why The Hood, or Oliver, would care about a drug dealer. Yeah drugs are bad, but he's been going after businessmen, corrupt politicians...he's been ridding the city of its top scumbags with all the money and power to break it, why would The Hood, or Oliver, set his sights on a random drug dealer from The Glades?"

"Vertigo _is_ dangerous." Tommy said, and she could hear him take a sip of beer.

"Still..." Felicity said, "How would this have even gotten on The Hood's, or Oliver's radar in the first place?"

"I don't know," Tommy sighed, hesitating "maybe this one was personal. Maybe it's about revenge for him."

"Why would it be-" Felicity stared at the screen, at the photo of the man they were calling Count Vertigo, at his eyes.

Something about them was familiar. "I'll call you back," she mumbled before hanging up and frantically pulling out the file Oliver had stolen from the hospital.

Count Vertigo has piercing blue eyes, just like the boy in the photos. The eyes could be a coincidence, but Oliver stealing this file, leaving it in her apartment, a man resembling the beaten boy in the pictures being arrested...that couldn't be just a coincidence. 

"Breaking News in the Count Vertigo case," the woman on the news said. Felicity spun around quickly, staring wide-eyed at the reporter. "Count Vertigo _has_ been identified. Police have identified The Glades most-wanted drug dealer as David Harper. It has also been confirmed that Harper's arrest had a lot to do with our new vigilante, The Hood. Harper is a father to one son, seventeen year old Roy Harper, who hasn't been located for comment at this time."

Felicity held up the picture of the beaten twelve year old boy to the photo of Roy Harper on her television, her hands shaking as she found her proof that Oliver was The Hood, but wondering how he was connected to Roy Harper.


End file.
